Amazima ~ "Truth"

So I've been going through the stage of wondering "what am I going to do with my life?" "Is there more I've been called to?" I'm halfway through my education, and the finish-line is almost within sight. But now jumps in all of these questions about whether this is really what God has planned for me. This week one thing that God has really been pressing on my heart a passage from John 10.

^"9I am the door. If anyone enters by me, he will be saved and will go in and out and find pasture. ¹⁰The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly."

In my Bible-belt type philosophy I had always kinda understood the "abundant life" as being the blessings of God when you follow Him. And while I think that is true, I'm coming to understand a different type of blessing; one that "surpasses all understanding". It's not just financial stability, or even a loving family. It a joy that comes from surrendering your earthly everything to Him and becoming a vessel for His kingdom.

Last fall at school, a man came to Chapel and shared about some of his ministry work. He was talking about seeing the face of Christ in "the least of these." He then showed a video from the ministry of Mother Teresa. I have yet been able to remove those images and feelings from my heart.

Recently I was reading an article from SetApartGirl magazine (you should check it out, it's AMAZING!) and they were sharing about a young woman (Katie Davis) who had left everything the world, and myself, would call a "normal Christian 'abundant' life". She was attending college, volunteering, ministering at church but then she realized; she had been worshipping God without doing what He did. So she "quit her life". She moved to Uganda in what she thought was going to be just a short season in her life. But she couldn't return. She said,

{ "I had seen what life was about and I couldn’t pretend I didn’t know." }

she returned to Uganda and there at 23 years of age, has adopted 13 orphan children as her own and runs the ministry Amazima. Her life has inspired me in a way I pray goes beyond "romantic fascination." Would I be able to leave everything here in my comfortable American life, and empty me of me?

I know it was only a week, but I still remember the fullness of God I felt on my mission trip last spring. That was the abundant life. The way "coincidences" looked a lot like the finger of God and the way sweet, ignored, little girls clung to me and cuddled on my lap. I remember the look of the nonverbal, handicapped patient I cared for in the hospital. The way she would look right into my eyes, grab my hand and kiss it. She couldn't speak, but for just a split second, I think I saw the eyes of Christ looking back at me.

“What kind of a God is it who asks everything of us?

The same God who ‘did not spare His own Son,

but gave Him up for us all; and with this gift how can

He fail to lavish upon us all He has to give?’

He gives all. He asks all.”

-Elisabeth Elliot

Becoming More "Adult-like"

So I realize it's 11:15 at night, not the best time to start a new post but what can I say, late nights are what college students are supposed to do. Although my idea of a "late night" is midnight but I digress.

What I've been thinking about lately, besides obvious school stuff which I will post about later, is the notion of "Adulthood". When I turned 18 I relished in the fact that I could now sign my own forms, buy spray paint, cold meds and could also pull the "I'm an adult so listen to me" card with my siblings, (that doesn't always work btw). Then came the big 2-0. Now, we're cooking! One year away from full "adulthood" and finally out of those teen years...(good times, good times).

So today I was feeling kinda crabby, just a mixture of stress, the weather, and good ol' hormones so I went for a drive and to swing in the park. It was cold, but the solitude at the frozen park was nice. During my nice talk with God about some stuff I was griping about, I realized some things. I have always considered myself relatively mature for my age with a fairly decent grasp on intellectual reasoning with a dash of intuition thrown in, lol. However, today I realized just how much a tend to complain, or try to rationalize my behavior to others in an attempt to make my self feel validated and "right". I was praying and asking God to "give me peaceful thoughts" about some stuff. Then it hit me, (thank you Elisabeth George, Women's Retreat, and Philippians 4:8) I needed to CHOOSE to have kind thoughts! Instead of dwelling on how to make my opinion the one to follow, I need to see what is right about this situation. I also needed to follow the direction given in Philippians 4:6, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

So today I attempted to put these key Biblical principles into practice. Instead of being grumpy, I chose to thank God for the beautiful sun that appeared this afternoon. Instead of being stressed with circumstances, I chose to thank God for the wonderful privilege to live such a life that my "biggest issue" is getting good grades in school. Instead of giving into my exhaustion, I chose to praise Him for His amazing sacrifice for me. When compared to the cross, my troubles don't seem so great. And you know what, the promise given after choosing to thank God is this, that "...the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Phil. 4:7) Which, I must say, is a pretty good deal.

So today, I didn't do any of those things that the world would call "adult-like", but the Holy Spirit did a work in my heart to further develop me into the mature follower of Christ that I long to be. You know, trading my heavy burden for His perfect peace; I'll never quite fully grasp the fairness of that trade.

Chocolate, Valentines, and First Loves

So on this lovely Valentines Day (or Singles Awareness Day) I've been thinking. Yes I know, it can be a scary thing and I really should be "thinking" about my Statistics test tomorrow or the big Pharmacology exam on Thursday, but when God lays something on your heart, you just gotta do it.

I was reading my journal the other night and came across a passage I had written last summer when I was having a period of minor depression. I wasn't really "clinically depressed", I just felt very dry spiritually. Trying to regain some of my spiritual fervor I started reading Joanna Weaver's book, "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World." (It's fantastic btw, really changed my heart) So here is a portion of my thoughts in an analogy.

Martha had become so wrapped up in her kitchen "busy GOOD work" that she had forgotten all about the Savior sitting, waiting, for her in the living room of her heart. "Oh I'm doing all of this for Him, He will think I'm so amazing and 'spiritual'....as will all my other friends when they see what a good servant I am."

Martha scurries from one thing to another, barking out orders and frantically preparing the meal for Him. Dinner is finally served, but Martha doesn't have time to enjoy it; she's already on to the next thing. Martha eventually notices how hungry she is...but she doesn't have time to join her Savior in the dining room just yet...there's always later for that. Right now she has way too much to do. However, the "Snickers" chocolate bars have become delicious "tummy-fillers"; something to quickly fill the emptiness she doesn't have time to fill. After all, there is always later. Yet, the sickeningly sweet candy was leaving her feeling rather exhausted and empty.

This analogy used by Ms. Weaver really spoke to me during my "searching time". I realised that I had been filling my time with seemingly innocent or even good things, but I had neglected any intimate time with my Savior.

So my challenge to my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ is this, what "snickers bars" are you using to try to supplement for your intimate relationship with Christ? No matter how good it may be, don't forget your first love.

P.S. This is another of my Valentine's Day posts from a few years ago.

1st Day of Nursing School

So, we "officially" started nursing school today! I must say, having one outfit and hairstyle option makes it much easier to get ready. ;) Today we were at the school and learned about iv starts, and various methods of medication administration. I got to give a hotdog an intradermal injection which was pretty exciting. :)

So now we have a Statistics class tomorrow afternoon, a full day of class Thursday, an hour of math Friday morning, and an hour of practice with my clinical instructor on Friday. I'll actually get to start an iv on a manikin Friday! Let's just say there is a lot of "stuff" that has to be juggled and kept sterile...

Day at Sequiota Park

Debbie and I spent part of our day today at Sequiota Park. It had warmed up a little so we took advantage of the weather and took a 4 mile walk.

We encountered this cute little metal bike, so of course we had to sit on it.

My legs are too short...I couldn't reach. :(

And then a random wheelchair statue!

Debbie's awesome victorious pose

Some of the freaky caves....

Deb in the mouth of the cave, my camera-phone didn't like the lighting

I also stepped foot in the cave (I think Deb has the photo) but it scared me to death. I don't do dark enclosed places with scary scampering sounds.

New Apartment!

So as many of you know, I recently moved to an apartment. I'm really loving it and the transition has been pretty smooth. I'm rooming with 2 great girls and so far there have been no complaints. ;) I'm finally finding all of my stuff a new home and getting used to cooking and cleaning everything.

During my first week we've had 4 inches of snow, I locked my keys in my running car, gone grocery shopping, and had some fun times with friends. We also attended the week-long orientation at the nursing school. Most of the time was spent education us on different rules and policies, but we also began our clinical nursing education as we learned/reviewed how to take vital signs and safe patient transport.

I'm really feeling at peace in my new environment and I know this is the place, school, profession He wants me in. I'm really looking forward to these next few years as I learn not only how to be a nurse, but how to be an adult and a more mature follower of Christ.

So now, the photo tour of the apartment, come visit!

The view from out front door (Jenny's "wing" is straight back)
A wall in Debbie & I's room
Our lovely beds...you'll never guess which one is mine. Trust me, I tried to make it more subdued. ;)
Our huge closet, one of my favorite parts

Probably my most favorite, my OWN bathroom!

The laundry room with the Washer/Dryer courtesy of Aunt Lora Lee & Uncle Richard. Thank you!

The kitchen

Dining room

And the living room with the door to the deck

Take 3: A Conglomeration of Thoughts

Hmmm do I dare venture back into the world of blogging? I decided since I will be starting a new chapter of my life this coming week, maybe it would be a good time to attempt this again. I hope to use this not only as a place to update my adoring fans (haha) on my life but also to share what God has been teaching me.

The last time I posted on this blog was right after I got home from my mission trip to the Badlands. Even though it was almost a year ago, it still comes to mind almost everyday. Over the past year I have really felt God placing a burden on my heart for missions, especially those involving orphans. I pray daily, not only for an available ministry but also that I won't turn this desire into a romanticized version of the truth. At the moment I'm reading Elisabeth Elliot's biography of Amy Carmichael, A Chance to Die. I haven't read much of it yet, but I have lately become very challenged by the ministry and legacy of Amy. Yet, my American-ized brain very easily turns her life into a easy, beautiful, perfect "missionary" life. While her ministry was a very beautiful thing, I know it was anything but easy. So I constantly fight my own imagination for the truth about the world in which we live in. But you know, God is still in charge.

In other news I will be moving this weekend to my new apartment! I will be sharing with 2 very sweet girls and hopefully we will have a very "harmonious" living experience. ;) It's been pretty crazy these last couple of weeks thinking about all of the "lasts" I'm experiencing. After living in this house for almost 15 years it feels very strange to think of calling another place "home". I have to admit that sometimes I lay awake in bed at night and start to have a panic attack about all the new-ness and "what-ifs". Yet God uses that moment to yet again reassure me of His love and consistency. I just love the truth that no matter where I go or what new thing I do God is always the same. It really brings new meaning to the "God is my Rock" issue. So this past week I have been making lists, packing, cleaning, and preparing for my new life.

Another new adventure I will be starting, also the reason for my move, is nursing school. I have already completed 3 semesters and 63 credits of my college career, while maintaining a 4.0 (PTL!) but now I get to start the "real" part. I'm really looking forward to the hands-on practical part of nursing. I have enjoyed all of my pre-requisite courses, so to be able to put those into practice will be awesome! Next week, I will have a week of orientation with classes starting the following Monday. I will only be taking 12 hours this semester but the 2 nursing classes, Fundamentals and Pharmacology, include approximately 20 hours of clinicals per week. My 3rd class is Statistics, yay math...

So I think that's enough rambling for the moment. Basically my life is filled with new experiences, hard decisions, and many blessings. Now to see if I ever get back on here....