Wow, so yes I don't really post blog entries anymore...but...
If you didn't know, I just got back from a week-long mission trip to the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation in South Dakota. It was an AMAZING God filled experience that I pray I will never forget.
So many people have asked me, "So how was your trip?" And while well-intentioned, there is really no way for people who have not experienced that kind of environment to understand what I'm saying in 5 minutes. I realize I barely scratched the surface of the struggles in SD, but what I did see broke my heart.
I decided to post some of my journal entries, from the trip, so others could get a small glimpse into the world of the Reservation and into the world of those who are still stumbling around in the Darkness without the light of Christ.
On the Pine Ridge Rez, the annual median income is $3,000. The average life expectancy is 45 years old. School drop-out rate is over 70%. 8 out of 10 families are affected by alcoholism. Diabetes is over 800% more prevalent than the national average.
There is so much despair and desolation on the reservation it is easy to get bogged down emotionally, as many of us were. However, God is not absent in this place. We worked with so many wonderful ministries making great efforts into helping and educating people as well as ministering to their vast spiritual needs.
While this journal is by no means expansive, it's just a small piece of what God taught me through my experiences in Pine Ridge.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Pine Ridge Indian Reservation Mission Trip: My Journal
*If you want to see pictures of my trip, please view my album on Facebook*
Monday Morning: Day 2
I slept well last night and woke up to a beautiful sunshiny morning. I remember praying for no snow this week and God has doubly blessed us, providing gorgeous spring-like conditions! I think I sometimes (ok most times) take His blessings for granted, not always noticing His answered prayers.
I slept well last night and woke up to a beautiful sunshiny morning. I remember praying for no snow this week and God has doubly blessed us, providing gorgeous spring-like conditions! I think I sometimes (ok most times) take His blessings for granted, not always noticing His answered prayers.
This morning for devotionals we read a small devo entitled “Foxes Have Holes”. This devo addressed a man who had had a “rough” night sleeping, always too cold with the AC or too hot under his blankets. When leaving for work he found a man sleeping in his car. He flew into a rage, ordering the man to leave. After awhile, he realized how blessed he was and yet he had turned the broken-down man away. This is kinda the thing I’ve been struggling with as a well-to-do American. I have so much stuff that it overflows my room and I lug an entire suitcase of it to SD. Yet, like I said last night, I’m almost more worried about the cleanliness of the rooms than my actual mission and ministry. How selfish and vain am I.
“He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does He require of you? To act justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God”- Micah 6:8
This is our focus verse for the week. I’m kind of seeing that I have been raised to know what is good and not good, now it’s my turn to do the rest.
“For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me…I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.”- Matthew 25:35-36, 40
I feel like this is what Christ-like justice is all about. Loving those who are hard to love, loving those when no one else is watching, loving in your heart, not just an outward showing. Jesus says that even the unbelievers love those who love them, but as Christ followers we are called to love even those who hate us. (Luke 6:27-36) Like the parable of the man who forgave the debt (Matt. 17:23-35), we should be so foolish with our forgiveness and mercy that Christ is shown dramatically through us.
Monday Evening: Day 2
Wow.
Today was so unbelievable! We started cleaning out the parsonage of Lakota Baptist Church in Pine Ridge. We cleaned, washed, de-nailed, and painted the garage while the girls also washed and repainted closets in the house. I also washed out 2 refrigerators and the kitchen cabinets.
After several hours of cleaning, we went prayer walking around Pine Ridge. It’s shocking the devastation and garbage here. Houses that look like they shouldn’t even be inhabited have several people living in them. As Kurt, Ethan, Katie, and I were prayer walking around Pine Ridge, we came upon a bunch of teenage boys playing basketball. The boys went to play with them while Katie and I attempted to go talk to a group of little girls we saw playing on a road. The girls ran away as soon as we spoke to them so we eventually headed back to the church.
After awhile, Lydia and I decided to go to the local Christian coffee shop where the other half of the group was working. However, when we got outside I saw 3 of the little girls talking and playing outside of the church. We decided to go talk to them…and my heart was stolen.
I watched them play on the railing of the sidewalk, giggling and laughing. I found out their names and ages while playing with them and Lydia eventually left. Theresa, age 7, and Sheila, age 4, are sisters and Jade, age 5, is their cousin. They, especially Jade, just started telling me random things about their lives…and it broke my heart. The things that these little girls have seen, heard and lived is unbelievable, especially compared to my strong Christian upbringing.
I watched them play on the railing of the sidewalk, giggling and laughing. I found out their names and ages while playing with them and Lydia eventually left. Theresa, age 7, and Sheila, age 4, are sisters and Jade, age 5, is their cousin. They, especially Jade, just started telling me random things about their lives…and it broke my heart. The things that these little girls have seen, heard and lived is unbelievable, especially compared to my strong Christian upbringing.
Sheila’s hair was matted and dirty, her shirt was stained, yet her face was so precious and innocent. I pulled her onto my lap while playing a dice game with Theresa and she just melted into me, cuddling and trying to soak up as much love and physical contact as she could. I just kept praying for her and loving on her. Later, I picked her up and she wrapped her thin arms around my neck and pressed her little face against mine. I about cried with the love and need of this precious 4 year old little girl. I love her so much.
Jade told me all about her huge family, her father who was in treatment so “he couldn’t drink anymore”, and her 3 dogs and 4 cats. Jade actually went to school, unlike Theresa, and she knew how to spell her name, the sounds of many letters in the alphabet, and how to count. She preciously told me about her ballet shoes and said that when she gets bigger she was going to be a ballerina. I could tell she was begging for attention because she always had something bigger and better to say. The fact that her dad is in treatment gives me great hope. Perhaps he is in a Christian sponsored program and will become a follower of Christ and go back and teach his family. I pray desperately for this.
Theresa was shy and quiet and I could tell she had a beautiful, gentle spirit. She quietly told me about playing princess’s with her friend and about her miscarried baby brother. She also told me about her 10 year old brother and her 22 year old mother. I pray she was confused about her mother’s age as I can’t even imagine a 12 year old pregnant. Although, I know this is sadly a pretty common thing on the Rez. She also told me her brother had recently cut his leg, bad enough to call the ambulance, when another boy threw a glass at him.
When it was time for us to go, Theresa looked at me and quietly asked, “Do you have to go too?” It broke my heart. I would like nothing better than to spend the rest of my week with these precious girls. I gave them all a hug and Theresa especially, just clung to me.
I would have loved to just take all of those little girls home with me, teach them, clean them, love them. The fact that they were just running all over their rather shady neighborhood with no adult supervision speaks of the fact of either noncaring or overworked mothers.
I was greatly burdened all day/night for these precious children and in our nightly worship service we had a “God Moment” time. I was wrestling against my fear of public sharing and the pushing by the Holy Spirit to share what I had experienced. Then Rachel shared 1 Corinthians 3:7.
“So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.”
I was so burdened by the fact that I hadn’t even said anything about Jesus, like I had failed my mission. But when she shared this verse I just felt God saying that I wasn’t the one to save these girls, He was. He loves them with an even greater love than I did after my hour with them. He just told me that I was where He wanted me to be, to love on those girls. That’s all I was supposed to do. I was just watering His seeds, giving those girls some much needed love and attention.
“So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.”
I was so burdened by the fact that I hadn’t even said anything about Jesus, like I had failed my mission. But when she shared this verse I just felt God saying that I wasn’t the one to save these girls, He was. He loves them with an even greater love than I did after my hour with them. He just told me that I was where He wanted me to be, to love on those girls. That’s all I was supposed to do. I was just watering His seeds, giving those girls some much needed love and attention.
I am so in awe of God’s orchestration today. Originally I was a little upset that I wasn’t with the group who was helping at a coffee shop, instead I cleaned a house. Then all the guys left to take pictures at a cemetery, where they met a drunken man who revealed a lot about his heart and may not have with a girl there, and I had no desire to go. Then when Lydia wanted to go to the coffee shop, I went. I was a little discouraged when the girls wouldn’t talk to me on the road, and instead I played with them in a church yard. I am just so humbled. God is AMAZING!
Tuesday Morning: Day 3
Wow was yesterday amazing! I still haven’t gotten over those little girls, my heart has been stolen. J So when I found out that today I was going to a soup kitchen instead of the schools, I was a little upset. I was like, “God you know I love kids, why am I not going to the schools!” Lol, God just reminded me of yesterday and said, “I’ve put you in the exact place I want you, trust me.” I felt so silly and stupid to have been questioning God, of course His way is perfect, it’s been proved not only every day of this trip, but in all other areas of my life. Trust….it’s a beautiful thing.
Today’s devo, “An Invitation to Suffering” was great. One line really touched me.
“…I must admit that I cannot fully care for one who is suffering without entering into his pain.”
How true that is. Christ cared so much for us that He entered into our pain and loss in sin, and took the full punishment for us. The ultimate care and love. So as I go into today, may Christ guide me thorough my care and suffering with those who suffer. Amen.
Tuesday Evening: Day 3
So today we went and prepared lunch for a bunch of people in a small town right across the border of Pine Ridge. It’s infamous because of the law against alcohol on the Rez, sooo many people go to this town to drink. The ministry we helped with tries to aid people in starting and pursuing education and jobs.
When we got there we were shown around and taken to the kitchen where we were given free-reign to prepare whatever we wanted. Their walk-in pantry was covered in mouse droppings. Dust and dirt covered almost everything. Needless to say I was a little disgusted at the thought of cooking here. I spent most of my time today washing dishes, 3 times. We then served 30+ men and women lunch, and they were so grateful! For many of these people, that was their only meal of the day. However, the anger of some of the men towards each other and God was so sad. The men and women were actually very polite and yet so broken. One thing a lot of them kept saying was that they just wanted a drink.
One of the ladies I talked to told us that she had been going to church and had been trying to quit drinking but it was too hard. She also mentioned the fact that the wine used during communion in church was a struggle. I was kinda angered by this; you would think that church leaders would realize what a mixed message they are sending. She said that her dream was to open a homeless shelter and take care of people. She also said that she wanted to be baptized but they wouldn’t let her and she said that she was “going to burn”. How sad that the message that a lot of these people have heard is the turn-or-burn speech. While that is true, the fact that that’s the only story they have heard. I don’t know how sincere this lady was but when she told me that her husband had slept with her best friend who slept with her boyfriend who slept with her sister, I felt so helpless. How do you respond to something like that when you only know “Christian family”? She told me that the only thing she wanted was to be loved and cared for. I think that was the cry of everyone there.
A man named Rico attached himself (literally) to several of us girls. He told us that he was a Christian but he falls sometimes. I honestly think that he might have been telling the truth. He gave us his address and made sure (several times) that we had his address.
I met so many people who just wanted some attention and love, these people are so broken. I must confess that I was a little irritated and angry at these people who just drink their lives away, harming themselves and everyone around them. I’ve really been struggling to find what God wanted me to learn from this experience. I don’t really feel like I did anything profitable, people would say something and I wouldn’t know how to respond. I mostly stayed in the kitchen washing dishes and while that was helpful, I kinda wonder if I was just hiding because I was uncomfortable.
Wednesday Morning: Day 4
I can’t believe it’s already Wednesday! This has been such an awesome experience.
Today we talked about being humble. In James 4:6-10 it talks about changing your laughter and joy to mourning and gloom. While this seems like the total opposite of what we are told about having joy in all things, I think I’ve seen this week where he blesses us in the middle of brokenness and mourning.
However, last night and this morning I kept thinking about finding joy. I feel like God has broken me and now I’m supposed to find my joy in Him and in Pine Ridge.
Tuesday Morning: Day 3
Wow was yesterday amazing! I still haven’t gotten over those little girls, my heart has been stolen. J So when I found out that today I was going to a soup kitchen instead of the schools, I was a little upset. I was like, “God you know I love kids, why am I not going to the schools!” Lol, God just reminded me of yesterday and said, “I’ve put you in the exact place I want you, trust me.” I felt so silly and stupid to have been questioning God, of course His way is perfect, it’s been proved not only every day of this trip, but in all other areas of my life. Trust….it’s a beautiful thing.
Today’s devo, “An Invitation to Suffering” was great. One line really touched me.
“…I must admit that I cannot fully care for one who is suffering without entering into his pain.”
How true that is. Christ cared so much for us that He entered into our pain and loss in sin, and took the full punishment for us. The ultimate care and love. So as I go into today, may Christ guide me thorough my care and suffering with those who suffer. Amen.
Tuesday Evening: Day 3
So today we went and prepared lunch for a bunch of people in a small town right across the border of Pine Ridge. It’s infamous because of the law against alcohol on the Rez, sooo many people go to this town to drink. The ministry we helped with tries to aid people in starting and pursuing education and jobs.
When we got there we were shown around and taken to the kitchen where we were given free-reign to prepare whatever we wanted. Their walk-in pantry was covered in mouse droppings. Dust and dirt covered almost everything. Needless to say I was a little disgusted at the thought of cooking here. I spent most of my time today washing dishes, 3 times. We then served 30+ men and women lunch, and they were so grateful! For many of these people, that was their only meal of the day. However, the anger of some of the men towards each other and God was so sad. The men and women were actually very polite and yet so broken. One thing a lot of them kept saying was that they just wanted a drink.
One of the ladies I talked to told us that she had been going to church and had been trying to quit drinking but it was too hard. She also mentioned the fact that the wine used during communion in church was a struggle. I was kinda angered by this; you would think that church leaders would realize what a mixed message they are sending. She said that her dream was to open a homeless shelter and take care of people. She also said that she wanted to be baptized but they wouldn’t let her and she said that she was “going to burn”. How sad that the message that a lot of these people have heard is the turn-or-burn speech. While that is true, the fact that that’s the only story they have heard. I don’t know how sincere this lady was but when she told me that her husband had slept with her best friend who slept with her boyfriend who slept with her sister, I felt so helpless. How do you respond to something like that when you only know “Christian family”? She told me that the only thing she wanted was to be loved and cared for. I think that was the cry of everyone there.
A man named Rico attached himself (literally) to several of us girls. He told us that he was a Christian but he falls sometimes. I honestly think that he might have been telling the truth. He gave us his address and made sure (several times) that we had his address.
I met so many people who just wanted some attention and love, these people are so broken. I must confess that I was a little irritated and angry at these people who just drink their lives away, harming themselves and everyone around them. I’ve really been struggling to find what God wanted me to learn from this experience. I don’t really feel like I did anything profitable, people would say something and I wouldn’t know how to respond. I mostly stayed in the kitchen washing dishes and while that was helpful, I kinda wonder if I was just hiding because I was uncomfortable.
Wednesday Morning: Day 4
I can’t believe it’s already Wednesday! This has been such an awesome experience.
Today we talked about being humble. In James 4:6-10 it talks about changing your laughter and joy to mourning and gloom. While this seems like the total opposite of what we are told about having joy in all things, I think I’ve seen this week where he blesses us in the middle of brokenness and mourning.
However, last night and this morning I kept thinking about finding joy. I feel like God has broken me and now I’m supposed to find my joy in Him and in Pine Ridge.
Wednesday Evening: Day 4
Wow, so today was so awesome and joy-filled! In the morning we planned a skit for a youth group that evening. I was originally just helping with the discussion questions but I happened to get volunteered to be in the skit. Lol, they needed a Pharisees and I was the first one to pop into their heads. J
After lunch we went and listened to a native man talk about the Massacre at Wounded Knee. It turned out to be a very bitter, angry (albeit well informed and researched) man spouting off about how Christianity destroyed the Lakota nation’s lives and we (the whites) want to kill them all. I felt like he had some good points, but he was a very lost man. With every smack against the whites and Christianity, I just prayed. What anger have people developed.
After we came back from that we were all extremely tired. None of us wanted to do anything else, yet Heather told us we could go to an after-school or go prayer walking. Honestly, I wanted to do to the school because I thought “Kids!” And when I was told that all the skit people were to go prayer walking, I was a little frustrated at God. I kept thinking, “God, don’t you know my heart is with the kids? Why did you put me into Jen’s head for the skit?” I finally just resigned myself to trust Him…and of course, He was right.
We walked into Wounded Knee and played on the playset with a bunch of kids. God is so good. So many things went on, but mostly I chased, tagged, carried and hugged so many kids. The only sad part was when I attempted to ask 2 older girl’s names, one answered timidly, but the other replied, “I can’t tell you.” I teasingly asked her if it was a secret, to which she stated, “No I just don’t like church people”, and walked off. It made me really sad how these kids are raised to think so negatively of “church people”.
But it was amazing to me how the kids instantly knew we were church people. I hope that most will continue to view “those white people who come to play with us” as “church people”. If the people who give them love and attention are known as “the church”, then our Hands and Feet must be working. Perhaps then we can produce a new generation of Lakota who love and appreciate both the whites and become followers of Christ.
The other thing was that Katie, Hayley, Lauryn, and I went on a long walk before lunch and had some great conversations. I just love having this deep relationship with so many amazing fellow believers.
At Young Life, we talked with so many kids. Then we gave our skit, and through pretty cheesy I’m sure, it actually turned into some really good discussions. Afterwards we played many different forms of tag…man was I exhausted! Yesterday, we walked up to the Wounded Knee meeting place twice, up the hill to the mass grave, went on a 1.5 mile walk with the girls, walked to town, ran around the playset 6 billion times, walked back to the church, and ran around the gym playing tag. Lol, I don’t know that I’ve ever had that much physical exercise! But God kept giving me strength and energy, it just kept coming!
Thursday Morning: Day 5
So this morning I got up at 5:15 to help with breakfast at 6:30. Now we are getting ready to go “skirt a trailer”. Lol, at first I was thinking that we were decorating a trailer for a parade float, but I guess it’s a house trailer. J I’m not sure what I’ll be able to do there, but it’s been amazing seeing how God has just placed me in the right places. I pray that I won’t go back home and just return to my school-driven life. How powerful it is to take time to dwell on the Lord’s blessings and then carry those blessings to those in the community who don’t know Him.
I wrote some letters to Jade, Theresa, and Sheila. For some reason I keep wanting to call Sheila, “Sylvia”, don’t know why. I hope that it touches them and anyone else around them.
Thursday Evening: Day 5
So today our group went to “skirt a trailer”. It turned out to be building frames to place around the base of the trailer. As the girls really couldn’t do anything, Sarah, Katriina, Heather, and I went for a walk across the field next to the work site. We had a great time of fellowship and sharing of testimonies.
Tomorrow we head home. I can't believe how quickly this amazing week has gone by!
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